The Beginning

6 – noiembrie 2008

E o zi frumoasa de toamna; toata lumea este fericita, se plimba, se joaca, pasarile zboara mandre facand, parca, un numar sincron in aer.

Totusi ma simt complet detasata de aceasta imagine “perfecta”. Stau in parc pe deal si ma uit, intre doua cuvinte scrise, la terenul de basket asteptand ceva… pe cineva. Asteptand sa apara cu alta pentru a nu mai avea indoieli, pentru a-l uri sau poate pentru a ma distruge moral – mai mult decat sunt, asta daca se poate. Inca nu pot sa inteleg de ce ma mai afecteaza… de ce inca il mai plac. Stiu foarte bine ce fel de persoana este.. stiu? sau doar mi se pare acest lucru?

Singurul lucru cert este ca de acum doua seri a reusit sa ma zapaceasca in ultimul hal… sa ma faca sa-l am in cap non-stop.

A ura = a iubi – un lucru complet adevarat si totusi inevitabil… de ce oare? De ce oare e viata atat de plina de piedici? De ce trebuie sa fim tari in viata? De ce nu poate fi totul parfum? Totul la fel de usor precum este incandescenta unei flori? De ce oamenii trebuie sa se complice la fiecare pas?

Steaua: o mica speranta

Bucurestiul… Un oras mult prea aglomerat, prea aglomerat de tristete, de necazuri de suparare. Un oras prea mult luminat si totusi prea putin pt a lumina vietile tuturor oamenilor… Poate tot ce le trebuiau oamenilor era lumina stelelor. Nu pentru ca este mai mica, ci pentru ca reprezinta o mica speranta: in ciuda dimensiunilor ei ea continua sa palpaie refuzand sa renunte. Asta ne lipseste noua: vazul – nu vedem stelele, esenta lor, frumusetea lor… Traim intr-un oras orbit de intuneric si luminile orasului nu ne permit sa vedem adevarata frumusete a naturii… a lumii in care traim.

Nu mai exista timp liber.. timp in care sa ne gandim la frumusetile care ne inconjoara… tot ce vedem se rezuma la lucrurile materiale, la slujba cea de toate zilele, la problemele legate de aceasta, la ce drumuri mai trebuie sa facem pentru ea; foarte rar ne mai gandim la prieteni la familie si la nevoile personale.

Noi sustinem ca lucram pentru a ne creea conditii de trai, pentru a ne satisface, pentru a ne sustine familia, dar din aceasta cauza poate se face un sacrificiu mult prea mare: relatiile cu persoanele apropriate, iubite se pierd sau in cel mai bun caz se racesc.

O mica concluzie ar fi sa mai mergem si la periferie din cand in cand sa privim speranta si sa scapam de grijile orasului cufundandu-ne intr-o liniste galagioasa, dar tot odata placuta.

Back to healty.Welcome back

I felt like telling him… I started screaming: “STOP BREATHING MY AIR!!! STOP IT! STOP THIS SHIT!!!… STOP SCREAMING AT ME! CAN’T YOU REALIZE?! CAN’T YOU SEE YOU’RE NOT WORTH, NOT A PENNY!” than suddenly I felt better and lowered my voice:” you’re not who you think you are! How I thought you’re… stop overestimating your self! Stop thinking you’re the best! You’re too good for the world! … STOP YOUR CRITICISM! Don’t scream at me! You have no right! You had no right and you’ll never have it! How do you think you are?! Can’t you realize you’re down? Sitting on the floor… as numb as never? I don’t even know why I thought I was beneath you? Wow… I was really stupid… I now realize that lower than you there can be NO ONE!  You’re like the bottom of the pit… from you I can only go up… Unlike you… who is bounded to this place… to your little perfect world … GESSUS! WAKE UP! SEE AROUND YOU! Look at all the people who are around you! So what if I lost you? Do you think I still care? Well … I DON’T! You can’t affect me anymore! You can’t juggle with my feelings! You’re in the past… maybe you’ll feel the same way sometime… somehow… somewhere… or maybe not! I don’t know… but what I do know is that you can’t hold me down! What if I fall? I’ll rise higher… and higher… and higher… until I reach the light… Until I won’t be seen, but remembered! You? You’ll be here… waiting… and waiting for… I don’t know another one like me? Doesn’t matter…. they’ll all realize you’re not worth it! It’s you curse! Until you’ll realize your problem and open your eyes you’ll berry this curse!”

The boy was looking at me strangely. Maybe he thought I was crazy, but than he realized what I was talking about… what I meant… he started to smile, gave me a goodbye kiss and left….

 

 

 

friendship

Pe masura ce timpul trece am impresia ca nu departam… nu mai este totul ca la inceput! nu mai stim sa ascultam, nu mai stim sa ne sustinem… oare am cazut in cursa gurilor rele? oare o prietenie nu este facuta sa fie vesnica? de ce nu pot sa gasesc un raspuns? de ce ma simt pierduta .. de ce ma simt ca ma inec? ma inec in bezna undeva unde nimeni nu ma poate vedea? sa fie oare asta doar o “criza” a orgoliului meu? nu mai stiu cum sa reactionez! ma simt de parca sunt vanata de vie de catre suparare, de catre mahnire sau poate doar de catre o idee preconceputa; as vrea sa treaca acest sentiment si sa fim iarasi prieteni si totul sa para normal logic si firesc!

My first day of school..

Today was the first day of school this year. It started HARD!! i had to take a partial exam at math…. yupppy…. it was quite good.. i hope to get a 60% :)) [i know… but it’s a big mark! trust me:| ] overall it was a nice day. we had a lot of snow fights… i think i ate snow for the hole year.. ah.. can’t wait for revenge!! tomorrow I’m gonna kill them.. ha.. can’t wait!

It’s funny you know.. I wonder why do people seem to lose their heart when they grow up… why they don’t see the beautiful part in things? the positive things life? in winter? in the small things that surrounds them.. why do they have to be so grown up? and more trying to pull me in their world? trying to corrupt me? it’s like the song: ” I DON’T WANNA GROW UP!” you know the song, right? hmm… for the ones ho do not know the song here are the lyrics:

Grow up – Simple Plan

This is who I am and this is what I like
GC, sum and blink and MxPx is rockin’ my room
If you’re looking for me I’ll be at the show
I can never find a better place to go
Until the day I die, I promise I won’t change
So you’d better give up

I don’t wanna be told to grow up
And I don’t wanna change
I just wanna have fun
I don’t wanna be told to grow up
And I don’t wanna change
So you’d better give up
Cause I’m not gonna change
I don’t wanna grow up

I like to stay up late, spend hours on the phone
Hanging out with all my friends and never being at home
I’m impolite and I make fun of everyone
I’m immature but I will stay this way forever
Till the day I die, I promise I wont change
So you’d better give up

I don’t wanna be told to grow up
And I don’t wanna change
I just wanna have fun
I don’t wanna be told to grow up
And I don’t wanna change
So you’d better give up
Cause I’m not gonna change
I don’t wanna grow up

I don’t wanna be told to grow up (grow up, grow up)
I don’t wanna be told to grow up (grow up, grow up)

I don’t want to be told to grow up
And I don’t wanna change
I just want to have fun
I don’t want to be told to grow up
And I don’t wanna change
So you’d better give up

I don’t want to be told to grow up
And I don’t wanna change
I just want to have fun
I don’t want to be told to grow up
And I don’t wanna change
So you’d better give up
No I Don’t wanna change
So you’d better give up

Cause I’m not gonna change
I don’t wanna grow up

First time

This is my first blog…. hmmm… it’s kind of weird.. but i guess it will be fun :]

 

I mean everytime i tried something new it was fun… at least at the beginning.. this summer i went for the first time mountain [rock] claiming! it was one of the funniest things i did!i loved it! it was scary at the end cuz i had to get down by standing with my feet on the wall… but i donno, but it felt good,  like i broke the gravity laws… anyway I had the time of my life =]

This year I learned a lot, I learned that life can be full of surprises and that and it’s actually fun to life your life at the extreme